Fear

So what about fear?

There is one night when I understood what fear meant. Darkness was present and silence took place as I fell asleep. Suddenly, strong knocks on the door and the whole scenario changed.

I can feel the addrenaline taking over my body, the heart beat accelarating and a sense of impotence overwhealming me. The mind dove into it's own fantasy and created a whole world to nurture the fear stronger and stronger and the 'reality' was substituted by the minds creation, leaving the body in a still state of panic.

A state of mind maybe, that takes you straigh into the so called 'hell', that only exists within ourselves, controled by our minds. The body feels it, the mind understands it, but somehow surrender to it... the being is left alone to fight the fear and overcome it into peace and trust... I pray to the lord, try to control the mind and the thoughts to create a different reality, I control the breathing, and for some minutes it seems to be gone, but then a little noise outside and it comes right back in, ripping into my chest and mind... counting the hours to see the light and feel peace again.

What strikes that vulnerability in me? The incident in Jo'burg?

Finaly come to realize, there is no such a thing as heaven and hell outside, it is an ethernal battle that must always be fought inside every one of us and there must never be a winer. That's the ethernal battle of life, the forces of good and evil within us that must be integrated to our whole being, in order for us to be whole.

So what take us away from the state of hell may be the awareness that fear is our own creation, and our natural state of mind is love and trust. Also the active choice for our natural state (love and trust) instead of the created state (fear). That freed me from that horrible fear, through a great struggle into the whole night, battling with my eyes opened, my heart tight and my soul very aware of it all.

When the light finaly came I could see clearly my minds own creation of fear.

"In day time, man can cope somehow with his environment, can exist and endure, even live peacefully; the night, however, renders him defenseless, easy pray to his enemies and conceals forces with nefarious designs upon his life. That's why fear, which during the day slumbers in a mans heart, secretive and sudued, is transformed at night into an overpowering fright, a haunting, tormenting nightmare." Ryszard Kapuscinski in book The shadow of the sun

Love and trust,

Narjara